These 11 Thoughts Are What Holds You Back from Your Dream Life
Nipping these thoughts in the bud will holding you back.
Do you know what holds you back in life? You do. More specifically, your limiting beliefs and thought patterns about love and relationships. Our life and present circumstances are almost always a direct reflection of how we see and feel about ourselves and the world around us.
Let’s say there’s a heterosexual woman named Blanca who has a belief that men only want her for “one thing.” (And that “thing” is that thang.) When you meet someone new and he makes a move, a thought might pop up in the moment like, he probably just wants to get in my pants. You dwell on this thought off and on because 1) it’s what you believe and 2) you’ve probably experienced this with men before meeting the new guy. But you like this guy! So, you push the thoughts away and keep dating him. One thing leads to another and you get intimate, and soon enough, he texts less, calls less, sees you less, and eventually ghosts you, proving you right: men only want me for “one thing.”
The reason this unfolded this way is two-fold: yes, the guy was an asshole and she didn’t deserve that! But also, she made an assumption that led to an expectation of behavior.
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The moral of the story is that we create our reality based on what we believe, assume, and expect. If we persist in limiting negative thoughts about a specific person, relationships, money, or ourselves, they will hold us back from living our best life.
These 11 Thoughts Are What Holds You Back from Your Dream Life
You don’t have to live this way! Since thoughts are what hold you back from your dream life, you are in control. Here are 11 thoughts to eliminate RIGHT NOW.
You Don’t Think It’s Possible
If you don’t think that your dream life is possible, then it won’t be!
Having this kind of mindset is usually due to life experiences. Maybe you constantly heard “you can’t get what you want” or you were discouraged from dreaming too big. Or you’ve experienced continuous setbacks that have limited your imagination.
Don’t let this thought hold you back from living your dream life!
Affirm: Everything is possible for me.
Take stock of how others have created an amazing life despite their obstacles and circumstances Believe that you can and you will!
What Holds You Back is Tied to Self Concept
What holds you back is also tied to our self-concept. What is self-concept? How you identify in all areas of life.
For example, I identify as a great author and self-love blogger. I also believe that I am inspirational and motivating and that God’s purpose for me is to help women love themselves and live authentically. Hence, I launched this self-love blog.
Our self-concept also impacts our romantic relationships. If you identify as a woman who is always cheated on, you will create a world where partners will be unfaithful. Because you identify as a woman who has never experienced trusting relationships.
The same goes for your career. If you have a belief that you’re undervalued professionally, you won’t be promoted or receive accolades. The more you identify as underappreciated, the more you will experience and expect that behavior from your employer(s) and colleagues.
Subconsciously, we embody whoever we think we are. In the real world, we then expect to be treated as such.
You Think Change is Scary
This is a common thought that holds us back. Sometimes we limit ourselves from living our dream life because what’s on the other side feels so intimidating. When we are used to things being the same, even if they’re stagnant, we struggle to take a leap.
The thing is that taking risks often gets us what we want.
I can relate to a fear of change like many of you can. I grew up in a chaotic household. There was constant change. Regularly, I didn’t know what to expect when my father walked through the front door. My upbringing led to the creation of a defense mechanism where I only allowed change that I controlled. Change that I made happen. It was how I protected myself. This is how I felt most safe.
Later in life, I realized that without risk I would remain stagnant. Life is ever-evolving, just like we are. Refusing to stay in the same NYC neighborhood I grew up in, I moved to Los Angeles at 34. I didn't want to settle for a job as an educator anymore, so I set my sights on a career in editorial and radio. In Los Angeles, I was a Senior Editor for a magazine. When I returned to NYC a year later at 35, I landed a job as a radio host on my own show on SiriusXM!
I was tired of resisting, especially when I realized that I was happiest when I shook things up - literally!
I decided to create a life full of adventure and pursued all of my passions and desires. From moving to Long Island at 36 to launching this new self-love blog at 45, I released my fear of change. I have transformed my life many times over since then, and I am happier because of it.
Don’t let fearful thoughts hold you back from living your dream life. Take a chance on yourself! Embrace the change.
Thoughts of the Past
Our past can hinder us and hold us back from our dream life, especially if we’re constantly thinking about what happened.
Try not to relive your former relationships or hurtful things that happened at work or with relatives. I know it’s easy to vent to friends. It can be helpful to release negative emotions. But don’t make it a habit! Do not sit in your negative experiences.
Also, try not to constantly analyze your past relationships. Live in the now. You can’t change the past, but you can relive it if your thoughts remain fixed on what happened.
The Stories You Tell Yourself
In other words, negative self-talk will block you from your best life! You can tell yourself stories based on a poor self-concept or your past experiences.
Some common stories we tell ourselves include:
I am not good enough.
I am always in terrible relationships.
Why does this (enter hurtful thing) always happen to me?
I will never find a great job.
My family is awful.
I had the worst childhood.
No one respects me.
All men are dogs.
Things never work out for me.
I never get what I want.
I always have to wait for good things.
Then there are narratives that churn in our mind based on society and/or our culture, like:
Money doesn’t grow on trees.
My family are immigrants so I can never be successful.
Life is hard for people like us.
Relationships are hard work.
Men aren’t faithful.
You have to work hard to make money.
I have to work the corporate ladder to be successful.
Sacrifice is part of being a woman.
Having it all doesn’t exist.
I can go on and on! The point is that if these thoughts are constantly running through your mind, even over time, they will manifest. You will experience limitations if you consistently tell yourself stories that do not align with your dream life.
You Hold Yourself Back Because You Don’t Think You’re Ready
Readiness has nothing to do with living your best life! Unless you think it does.
If you’re in constant “prepare mode,” you may never launch that business, apply for that job, or put yourself out there to meet your love.
Say you want to level up professionally. You’re ready for a new role or a promotion! Yet you don’t apply because you think, “I’m not ready. I don’t have enough experience. I need to do more.” Guess what? You are talking yourself out of applying. Now, how are you going to land your dream job if you don’t even try?
I know we can hold ourselves back with this idea of needing to be fully prepared or even perfect. I always wanted to launch a self-love blog but I thought, “Who am I to give anyone advice on how to love themselves? I’m still struggling myself.”
I thought I had to be perfect to share my journey to self-love and to help all of you. That is not the case! I know that now. Just like you can do anything right now if you decide to.
Settling For Less Is Easier
Sure it is! But is it worth it?
Think of all of the times you decided to take a job or enter into a relationship just because you were tired of waiting for what you wanted. Yes, you had a salary. You felt secure that you had an income. But did you love your work or were you complaining about going to work every day? Do you get up and want to take a day off every day of the week?
Yes, you were in a relationship, but did it meet your needs? Were you attracted to him/her/them? And if you're still in this relationship, can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this person?
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Thinking that settling for less is easier sets us up for mediocrity. This holds you back! Because living our dream life is all about feeling like our life is exceptional.
Dishonest Thoughts
Step 1 to living your best life: be authentic. That means you have to stop lying to yourself.
Know what you want. Decide that it’s okay to want it. Don’t let fear stop you.
I know it’s easier to think, “I’m okay just where I am,” but over time, when you confront your truth (and we always do), you may feel disappointed that you didn't acknowledge your desires sooner. You don’t want to reflect on your life and think, why wasn’t I just honest with myself?
In fairness, sometimes we block our truth. It is much harder to face our desires when we believe it’s too late and we fear change. This is especially true if we have a poor self-concept. So we keep ourselves in the dark.
Well, now is your chance to live your dream life! Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself, what do I really want now? And listen.
I Can’t
This little phrase impacts our ability to pursue our dreams so much! And we say it often, even unintentionally.
Harmless, right? Everyone says “I can’t!” Oh, but just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it’s not hindering you.
Remember: the thoughts that we repeat create. If you always say “I can’t,” especially over time, you will live a life where you don’t have faith in yourself. You will continuously talk yourself out of things and refuse to take risks. And you will be full of excuses. That is no way to live!
"Giving Up" Mentality
Similarly to “I can’t,” if you say you can but then always give up, you are letting yourself down!
I used to do the same thing. I would either burn out or quit if I didn’t get my desired outcome fast enough. And if something felt uncomfortable or challenged me too much? There I went, out the door!
Trust me when I say that a “giving up mentality” creates lots of inner doubt. I’ve had a lot of “should of, would of, could of” moments due to giving up too easily or quickly. When you constantly think about quitting, you miss out on the chance to grow as a person and push yourself past your comfort zone.
Fixed, Stubborn Thoughts
Whether you call yourself stubborn (remember: you are who you say and think you are!) or you don’t budge on an issue, your hard-headed thoughts can limit you!
Like most people, I can be set in my ways. When I first began blogging I thought, “I am going to be the Latina Carrie Bradshaw.” I succeeded! I launched a blog and later wrote a relationship column for Latina Magazine.
After a decade of writing about love and sex, I felt an urge to shift creatively. My newborn son also took up a lot of my time. Instead of redirecting, I dug in my heels. I thought, “I put in so much time and wrote so many articles! I made a name for myself! How can I throw it all away?”
My fixed mindset kept me stuck living a life that I no longer wanted. I didn’t identify (self-concept) with that old version of me anymore. Yet, I was still holding on to her due to fear of what would be next. I was literally having an identity crisis!
When I finally realized this, I shut down my first blog, Love Sujeiry. Then I changed my mind because I could not let it go! So I launched a new site and another (they shall both remain nameless) on the same topic of love and sex.
Why did I do this to myself? Why do you keep returning to something you don’t want or remain stuck being someone you do not want to be? Because to expand is scary AF and a fixed mindset feels so familiar and comfy.
Think about where in your life you’re being stubborn. Where do you have to give a little or a lot? How can you expand your thoughts to embrace something exciting and new, or even a new you?
A Mind Full of Excuses
“But I can’t, Sujeiry!”
“I don’t know how to do that!”
“My parents/friends/partner are not supportive.”
“I’m tired!”
“It's too late now.”
"I don't have enough time!"
"The kids won't let me!"
"I don't have the money."
These are just some excuses that we tell ourselves when we try to change our lives. Well, stop it now! Excuses only do one thing: keep you stuck.
How do you move past a mind full of excuses, especially if you’re used to talking yourself out of things? With affirmations.
A few affirmations that can help at the moment include:
I refuse to fall into old habits!
I won’t stop myself anymore!
I am the me that accomplishes her dreams no matter what!
I used exclamation points to make a point. When you say one or all of these affirmations, do so emphatically. Repeat them until you have quieted your mind from the excuses. Practice this whenever excuses try to take over.
Try to nip all limiting thoughts in the bud. Soon, you will no longer be held back by them and will be living your dream life!