My Intuition Knew This All Along
I desired to be married before shacking up with any man, yet I compromised my beliefs for a “love” that turned out to be all wrong for me.
I had a knack for ignoring my intention. It would whisper, it would gnaw at me, it would snap and whimper, and I’d shush her, flick her off, or convince myself she was full of nonsense. I listened to others before her. I entered into romantic relationships and continued platonic friendships despite her pleas. I would have saved myself a world of trouble if I would have listened.
I wouldn’t have gone against my principles and moved in with my ex-fiancé then boyfriend of only 1 year. I desired to be married before shacking up with a man, yet I compromised my beliefs for a “love” that turned toxic.
My intuition always knew this relationship was all wrong for me. She pinched my ass during my third date with my ex-fiancé then boyfriend when he sat me down for a serious conversation. He had concerns that I “talk to much” and feared he would “not feel heard” and then “turn to someone else” to share his feelings. I interpreted his words as constructive criticism and worked hard to be a less talkative, energetic and vibrant woman, and a better listener (a skill that I’ve always wanted to improve) overall. My intuition, however, knew immediately that my ex-fiancé wanted to change me. On that third date she clearly understood that he would be unfaithful if I didn’t become the woman that he wanted.
I didn’t think he was capable of disrespecting me and hurting me in that way. Until he did. He almost broke me when he betrayed me with her. When he constantly stood up for her when she and I had conflict. When he put her before me and practically everyone else in his life.
It turns out, my intuition was right all along. I was just desperate for love and too blinded by a conditional love to realize it.
I don’t regret our relationship. Even now that my ex-fiancé then boyfriend is still with her. Because I have Evan, who is one of the greatest loves of my life. Because I have me, the greatest love of my life. Because I have my relationship with God and he’s guided me and helped me grow through the pain. Because I have my intuition and finally embrace her, fully.
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