46 Years Young and All The Things to Come
It's my birthday! I'm getting older as a woman and I'm bringing back a tradition from my 20s. Here's to the lessons learned and what's to come.
46 years young. Getting older as a woman isn’t for the faint of heart. Luckily, I have a young soul. That’s why it seems like just yesterday Mami pushed me out of her vagina after a grueling labor. She tells me my birth was the worst. I tell her that since I’m her best child, she had to put in a little extra effort to bring me into this world.
Now here I am, celebrating my 46th trip around the sun. I’m bringing back a tradition that I began in my 20s when I first started writing. Here are some lessons learned in the past year, plus, what I’m excited for in this personal New Year.
Lessons learned at 45…
Joy is a choice. It sounds easy, doesn’t it? To wake up and decide to be joyous. What I’ve learned at 45 years young is that it can be that simple. Instead of focusing on lack or need, I take stock of all that I have right now.
I slip up sometimes. When I feel myself in a state of ungratefulness, especially when getting older as a woman, I try to remember that I am healthy, have the love of friends and family, have an amazing son, a creative mind, a great job, a love of music and words, and so much self-love. Let’s not forget all the fun nights and laughter that I experience regularly. All of these things serve as a reminder that my life is full.
Releasing the past. I am actively meditating to let go of past narratives regarding my father and my self-concept as it relates to men and romantic relationships. Since beginning these practices, I had a profound experience that freed me from childhood abandonment issues. I continue to do the work and, because of it, I feel happier than ever.
God has my back. No matter what is happening in my life, God works things out for me in the most seamless ways. During my toughest times, He continues to reveal the light at the end of the tunnel. This past year God instilled in me an unshakable inner strength, resiliency, conviction, and groundedness that no external circumstance can ever take away. I’ve continued building my relationship with God through journaling (my version of prayer) and attending my local church. (If you’re on Long Island and are interested in attending a modern, Christian church where you can come as you are, check out Community Church.)
About the single life. I put myself out there a lot more this year. Although it didn’t lead to the loving, healthy, romantic relationship that I desire, I’m proud of myself for trying.
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I’m just a hopeful romantic (and that’s okay). I’ve accepted that believing in unconditional love and romance is just who I am and how I’m built. I’ve tried convincing myself that I should settle for meh since I am getting older as a woman when in reality I know what I deserve and desire: a healthy, romantic, committed relationship that feels like home. One with open communication, emotional intelligence, undeniable chemistry and attraction, deep intimacy, compassion and understanding, and a whole lot of fun.
What’s to come at 46…
Pole dancing classes. I’ve wanted to take pole dancing classes for years but kept putting it off. Swerving, twirling, and twerking on a pole with a class full of women watching takes next-level IDGAF confidence, and I didn’t always feel as sexy as I do now. At 46, I’m finally taking the plunge! Because I know I’m a sexy bitch that only gets better with age.
My first class begins this Thursday. Pray that I don’t plunge head-first into a stripper pole.
Letting God lead in love. Just last week, I deleted the Bumble app and my Facebook Dating account. I felt this intuitive pull to stop trying to meet someone. These dating apps are exhausting and finding love shouldn’t feel this hard. How am I supposed to meet someone if I’m not on a dating app, you may ask? Am I resigning myself to a life of singlehood in a nunnery? Not with these stripper moves, I ain’t. Have you seen me shake my ass on the dance floor?!
Color me faithful, but I have a feeling that God will sort it all out. I will continue living my best life and trust that God will do His part. At this point, a relationship is just the cherry on top of the delicious sundae that is my life.
Writing more and more. I missed sharing my musings with the world, and not just to make money. However, if you want to get me a birthday gift you can purchase my books. My two books, Love Trips, a collection of my relationship stumbles, and The Height of Love: Candi, my first romance novelette, are both available on Amazon.
Family time. My family is scattered across the United States, but that’s no excuse to not make time for them. I’m making it a point this personal New Year to spend more time with my brother in South Carolina, my sister in Pennsylvania, and my cousins in Florida, NYC, and New Jersey.
Staying present. I will strive to remain in the present moment and continue to meditate to enhance this skill.
My ultimate goal for 46 is to continue enjoying my life, to love and embrace myself fully, and to nurture my inner peace, joy, and happiness. I know that what I desire will come to me in due time, including love. In the meantime, I’ll just keep eating my scrumptious sundae sans my cherry.
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Sending love and gratitude to all of you!
xoxo,
Sujeiry